“I don’t know.”
Thoughts on confidence, humility, and curiosity
As leaders, we navigate a challenging and nebulous landscape filled with unspoken expectations and archetypes of leadership. One of the most counterproductive of these is the over celebrated paradigm of a leader who has all the answers. Confidence and effectiveness in leadership are not about omnipotence. In fact, some of the most inspiring, empowering, and effective leaders I've encountered are those who balance competence with curiosity, and confidence with humility. They exude confidence within their domain of expertise and are equally comfortable admitting 'I don’t know' when they don't have an answer. Let's explore some of the dynamics at play here, examine the power of humility, and consider the benefits of curiosity as they relate to your leadership journey.
Journey to leadership. Why does it feel like we need to have all the answers? In part, it might be some of our social conditioning. In school, and later on in other educational or training contexts, we are often rewarded and celebrated for having the right answer. In many working environments, we start off as individual contributors and we are again rewarded for having the right answer. Then perhaps we earn a promotion and become leaders - and although our remit has changed, that conditioning hasn’t gone away - we still associate having the right answer with being good at our work. It makes sense that this might be a hard pattern to rewire and that it might be uncomfortable shifting it at first. Something to try: Reflecting on (and putting language to) what you are experiencing could be a great first step to making a change here. Set a timer for 10 minutes and reflect in writing on the following prompts - What is important to me about having the answer? What is hardest for me about not having the answer? How are my personal values at play here? What do I want to shift?
Confidence and humility aren’t antonyms. Language is a powerful tool - in this case it helps us clarify that confidence and humility are not opposites at all - when you look up antonyms for confidence you’ll find things like doubt, skepticism, distrust, but not humility. In fact, humility can significantly enhance how others perceive our leadership and our own self-assurance. Admitting when we don't have the answer and doing so confidently actually boosts trust in our authoritative statements on topics we do know well. Something to try: Try mapping or drawing out your domain of expertise and what is outside of it. What do you notice? Where can you confidently say I don’t know? How might that shift things for you? Who can you elevate or lean on for those things you don’t know? Where might you be more confident about your domain of expertise?
Curiosity for the win. Embracing and acknowledging what we don’t know opens the door to curiosity. We can all benefit from curiosity - not only will it feel good to us and to those we lead, but it will help us win. A curious mindset allows us to engage with our team in a spirit of collaboration and possibility rather than directive scarcity. Curiosity fosters innovation, enabling us to tap into diverse perspectives and experiences, fostering buy-in and ownership. By harnessing curiosity, we accelerate progress towards innovative solutions, leveraging the full talent of our team. Something to try: Here are some questions to add to your curiosity arsenal - What else don’t we know about this challenge or opportunity? How might we think about this differently? Who has a different point of view? Who do we know that can help us explore and learn here?
As we strive to show up as the confident leaders our teams expect and deserve, let’s bring humility and curiosity with us. I hope these thoughts support you in your leadership journey.
Onward,
Emily
About this newsletter: A Human Endeavor is a newsletter that I write about leadership - it is imperfect. For me, it is an exercise in reflection, clarification, sharing, learning, growing, and being of service to others.
If you are interested in exploring 1:1 Leadership Coaching with me or a leadership development workshop for your team - I’d love to chat with you. Please reach out to me at emily@osomar.com or you can use this link to find some time.